Thursday, May 5, 2011

Holding hands and holding on

OK, then, my friends are beginning to let me know that I've been slacking off on my blog.  I really appreciate the fact that they take the time to read it and leave comments and show that they care.  So, speaking of caring, I was thinking yesterday as mommo and I got out of my car to go into the grocery store how natural it's become for me to reach out and for her to reach back so that we are holding hands.  Moms and their little kids have done it for all time, it's just one of those instinctual things.  Not ever having had kids myself, it's funny to feel that instinct kick in for me and my mom.  It gives us both a feeling of connection and security.  Now if only I could get her to hold on to me or to the cart when we go to Walmart - she can disappear in less than 3 seconds if I'm not paying attention!

The picture above was taken at Easter time.  The man holding mommo's hand is the other half of the caregiving team, my brother Tom.  I see the instinct has kicked in for him as well. Tom has been such an important part of this journey for me and for mom.  We both depend on him to keep our spirits up. Tom and his wife Julie and I took a tour of a lovely assisted living facility in Conneautville called Rolling Fields last week.  Just like a cruise ship except it's anchored in a lovely rural setting.  Beautiful gardens and walkways and ponds outside, and birds and fish and 2 cats and a big Saint Bernard named Cooper inside.  Friendly staff, cheerful surroundings, and the dining room smells like Sunday dinner.  At about $200/night, it would be a lot cheaper to live on a cruise ship, but the cost didn't surprise or dismay us at all.  Mommo should be in surroundings like that with 24-hour care.  It's just that hurdle we have yet to jump with her.  And we know it's coming.

So, about mom.  She is still losing ground daily.  Some mornings she is so discouraged and confused that we find her in tears.  It takes a lot of love and effort to get her out of that particular groove and into the next thing, and we're getting good at it.  I think that once the weather improves a little more, it will be a better time for us all, as we'll be getting outside to walk a bit or sit on the swing in the back yard.  I know, though, that we won't get through another winter like this past one without making some big changes.  I'll keep you posted on what sorts of decisions we come to.  And I'll also keep holding all of you in the light.  Till next time.