Best present I ever got . . .

As I sit with my last cup of coffee this morning, I am reflecting with beaucoup gratitude to my brother and sister-in-law for the gift they gave me yesterday.  My phone rang around 10 a.m., as it usually does.  Tom was at mom's place and he said to me, "Kathy - guess what - YOU GET THE DAY OFF TODAY!"  He was going to spend the morning with mom, and his wife Julie, who is off work this week, would take the afternoon shift.  I was overcome!  Holy cats, an entire day all to myself with no care duties!  What would I do?  Where would I go?  It took a few minutes before common sense kicked in and I decided to take a dry run into downtown Erie to make sure I could find my new doctor's office before next month's first appointment.  And while I was in Erie, I could (wait for it) SHOP!!!  And shop I did.  Found the office, then got a little turned around trying to get out of the city, lots of one-way streets in there.  But then I found the Erie City Mission store, where I bought a beautiful sweater and a new belt.  Then to Gabriel Brothers (sort of like a TJ Max) where I bought brand new winter boots with heels!  Then to the big Salvation Army on Peach Street where I scored a Jamestown NY Harley shirt.  Finally on the way home, Julie called - she had managed to get mom into the shower and into clean clothes.  AND did a load of laundry.

This is the sort of thing that makes me so grateful for my family.  So many caregivers have to do all these things themselves, but I have help.  And God knows I need it.  Today will find me back at the mom's, and maybe I can get her to take a ride with me - she was complaining about her grey hair to Julie yesterday, so perhaps we'll go pick out a color she likes and give it a whirl this weekend. 

I also have to thank my friends who are still in touch via phone and email and who talk me through the dark days to better times.  I'm holding all of you (and you know who you are) way up in the light.

Here's a picture of Butterball, who took control of the blanket that my wonderful niece Michala made for me for Christmas.  As soon as I get some pics from relatives, I'll put them out here too.  Thanks again my friends.

 

A bit of holiday stress . . .

So, even though mom seems unaware of many things these days, she is cognizant of the fact that Christmas is, if not here right now, just around the corner.  One day last week, it was decided by default that we should celebrate Christmas on Christmas Eve day at mom's.  For the next two days, she did nothing but obsess about what needed to be done and why we weren't doing the usual celebration at my brother's house.  Eventually we stopped mentioning it, and unfortunately it's going to be a surprise when everyone shows up on Friday.  We all know who will get left to deal with the aftermath of what will likely be an overwhelming event for her. 

On Sunday, she got a case of the giggles over who knows what?  I still don't know, but I did get a picture of us while she was in the throes of that episode.   Monday I brought over a couple of gifts to be wrapped (for niece Michala and nephew Ryan).  I unrolled the wrapping paper and handed mom the scissors.  She did a fair job of getting it cut, then as I enfolded the boxes in the paper, she handled the scotch tape.  Hardly any of it ended up where it would hold the paper in place, but she felt a sense of accomplishment nonetheless when they were done.

And here is where this blog, aka talk therapy, comes in.  Sometime mid-afternoon yesterday, mom asked me to come into the bedroom.  She wanted me to make sure that she was getting into her bed correctly.  She actually did a couple of practice runs to make sure it was ok the way she was doing it.  Now I'm scared.

To top off a stressful Monday, the doorbell rang and I answered it to find a neighbor who was looking for a piece of missing mail, perhaps it had been delivered to mom's by mistake.  It hadn't, but I was the one who made the mistake of telling mom what the visit was about.  Off we went on a rant that lasted for over an hour about how this could have happened, did she think that maybe she had gotten the card or letter and thrown it away, what if the police came and asked to search her house and on and on and on and . . . well you get the picture.  Just before my patience reached its end, I pulled my cell phone out of my purse and had an imaginary conversation with the neighbor.  I told my mother that the neighbor had just received the piece of mail and that all was well.  The relief in her face was palpable.  She was so glad she didn't have to worry about it anymore.  Now she could sleep at night (provided she gets into bed correctly).

So, to end this very long post, just let me say that I am pretty sure that this will be the last Christmas that mom will be able to participate in even peripherally.  While I hate to think that's true, I also can't wait for it to be over.  Thanks my friends for reading and for holding me in the light.  Please hold me way up there . . .

Ups and Downs

Well, this one has been percolating for a week or so, and now it's time.  First, a recent down.  On Monday morning, Butterball and I tangled up on the way down the stairs at 7 a.m.  I landed hard on my right shoulder and was pretty hurt.  I thought I might have torn something (rotator cuff?) so I had brother Tom take me to Urgent Care.  They did ex-rays, script for nsaids, made me an appt. for the Orthopaedics in town for Wednesday morning.  Butter was unhurt in the accident.  (That's the up part of this.)  The other up is that the shoulder was badly contused, but no tears or breaks. 
Here's another up/down.  When I got here in August, mom and I were able to share our jeans.  We were a 9/10.  Jeans is all she will wear, so it was all good.  Unfortunately, mom has been eating really well since then.  We moved to size 12 for her (I've gotten really good at guessing her sizes at the goodwill/thrift stores) and we've been ok for the last couple of months.  However, lately, I've been having to push her down on the bed to get the 12's buttoned.  She always laughs when I do that, but it's not going to be easy to continue this unless we go to 14's.  Sometimes I joke with Tom that mom will be one of those people who has to be removed with a crane when she dies.  It's really not a laughing matter, but I think we are all trying to make her happy and food does that for her.  Chocolate especially.  Do we deny her that?  I don't know. 

OK, last UP/Down for now.  I often drive up the hill to the Salvation Army store in town, sometimes in search of something in particular, sometimes for fun, sometimes to entertain the mombat.  In any case, I've become friends with one of the women who works there.  Her name is Bonnie.  Bonnie has had some car trouble and has had to take the bus to work for the past month or so.  Problem is that the bus only goes as far as Wal-mart.  Then she has to have someone from the SA come to get her for the last 1/4 mile to work.  I ask after her situation every time, and every time, she says that her mechanic is still working on it.  It's been more than a month.  So today, after mom and I had lunch with one of her HS worker-friends, we went up to the SA.  I searched in vain for some jeans to fit mom, meantime, Bonnie came down my aisle and handed me a card.  She wished me a merry Christmas.  My quandry is this.  I could likely help Bonnie with some cash, but should I?  I have relatives who think it's a good thing to send money to some far away country, buy a cow or sheep or chicken flock for someone in Africa.  But hey, here is someone right in front of me who could use help.  I'm going to have to give this some thought. 

More to come.

First Big Snow and other events

So, the dreaded big snow has finally found us.  Mom has been obsessing about it for 6 months now, so she has been vindicated I guess.  This is a shot of my across-the-street neighbor's driveway.  If she could get out in her little 2 wheel drive Toyota, I'm sure my new CRV can handle it too,  I had a remote start installed this week, so I'm feeling pretty smug about being able to warm my ride without even stepping foot out the door. 

I've been spending lots and lots of time with the mom, yesterday I put in a good 7 hours.  I arrived with stuff for her crock pot, which hasn't been used in the last several years.  She washed the appliance while I browned the chuck roast, then we loaded it up and cranked it to "high".  And of course she worried about it being on all day long.  "Shouldn't we turn this down" or "off" or something, about once an hour.  She has a real "thing" about using electricity, because as we all know, she doesn't have any money.  This litany has spilled over into Christmas concerns too.  There was a time not so long ago that she would hand out envelopes to each of her children and to each of their spouses and to her grandchildren.  Those envelopes contained $500.  Now she is adamant that only the grandchildren will get money, and $20 will have to be enough.  All of us reassure her that we don't need money, that she needn't worry about Christmas, and that everything will be alright.  And we all know it's just a symptom of her disease.

Last Sunday while she and Ed were out for the afternoon, I went out and bought a lighted holiday ribbon, took it over and strung it along her mantle.  She was thrilled with it.  A couple of days later, she decided that it would be ok to go upstairs and bring down her little fiber optic tree.  And she is thrilled with that too, as she is every year.  I used to have a couple of different fake trees, but had to give them away after Butterball proved to have quite an appetite for them.  She would chew the branches and then throw up on my bed.  So, here is what we have now.  And we love it.

I'm squeezing the most fun and pleasure and love out of this holiday season as I can.  Cause, as you may have read in one of my previous blogs, you never know when "the last time" might be.  Blessings to all of you, my friends.