Keeping my expectations very very low

This has been pretty much a horrible week for mom and for Tom and me.  The caregiver we had hoped to bring in was sick last Wednesday, and we were notified by the company.  On Friday, mom and I watied for her to show up as scheduled, but no one came and no one called.  The company had received a doctor's excuse for the caregiver saying she wasn't to report to work on Friday, but the company (Senior Helpers, if you ever need to know) failed to notify us of that.  They were "so sorry" for the oversight.  On Monday morning, I got a call from Senior Helpers saying that the caregiver wouldn't be able to make it that day as scheduled, as she was needed to cover for another client.  She came Tuesday instead.  She was unable to come again until Friday.  On Friday morning, Senior Helpers called to say that our caregiver had been involved in a car accident and would need a few weeks to recover.  Is this God's way of saying something to us?  What?  That we shouldn't be looking for paid help?  That this particular woman wasn't the right one?  That we need to get Shirley into a facility? 

Personally, I think the latter is the one we need to think about.  Shirley is almost gone mentally.  She repeats and repeats and repeats, and she obsesses and obsesses and obsesses.  She doesn't want to be alone but she won't let anyone move in to help full-time.  She always says that if we put her in a home she will run away.  When I leave her in the afternoon, she often begs me to stay, but I'm not ready to start doing this without being able to bring Butterball into her house, and she won't have it.  Maybe it seems selfish that I'm putting my kitty ahead of my mom.  I just know that Butter has been my muse and my mews and pretty much the only comfort I get after 5 or 6 hours with the demented mombat.

I'm holding on daily, as is Tom.  I couldn't do this without the support and love of that brother.  I do have two other brothers.  One has seceeded from the family, the other has run away to take a job in California for a few months. 

I learned from my former husband (aka, the "ex-hole") that I need to keep my expectations low where other people are concerned, and that way I would never be disappointed.  Well, he certainly lived up to my low expectations.  And so has Senior Helpers.  And a couple of brothers who just aren't stepping up to the plate.  I sure hope that in time, I'll be able to raise those expectations for the people around me.  There are a very few, and you know who you are, who are already clearing the bar with lots of distance to spare.  Thanks very much to you. 

I'm back in my little house now after 6 hours with mom, my kitty is on my lap and my coffee is set up to go off at 7 a.m. and my electric blanket is on.  What more could a person ask? 

showers and screaming chickens

Wednesday, this week, I got to have lunch with my dad and stepmom.  We met at Perkins and piled into my car for a shopping trip at the big Salvation Army on the hill first, then lunched at the new Chop House.  We had a successful shopping trip, a great lunch, and a wonderful visit.  I love seeing them and they provide much needed mental support for me and Tom as we give care to mom.

Tom had morning shift with mom, and because our new caregiver called in sick, I told him I would be there by 3 to help mom get ready for date night.  First, let me say that our attempt to hire a caregiver for a couple hours every other day so far hasn't been much of a success with mom.  She resents the stranger in her house and insists that she is FINE WITHOUT HER.  Tom and I plan to perservere though, because it will eventually allow both him and me to get an occasional full day off.

So, I got there at around 2 to the usual "Where have you been?" query.  And then things settled into what has become a pretty ok routine.  I reminded mom that Ed was coming by at 5 and that it would be a good idea if she would let me help her pick out some clean clothes and get her washed up.  Surprisingly, she was pretty docile about getting into the shower, and then we put the hot rollers into her hair and got her dressed in her new Christmas sweater.  We made a cup of tea and she allowed me to set up the camera for a shot of us before Ed arrived for her date.  She looks great, doesn't she?

Those of you who have been or know caregivers also know that laughter is one of the ways that we survive this horrific disease.  So, today, Tom had the day off and he and I planned a trip to Erie to the Milcreek Mall so he could return some Levi's jeans.  I stopped by mom's, asked her if she wanted to join us, and after some deliberation (it's so COLD out there, and snowing too!) made her some lunch and told her I'd be back in a few hours.  The decision to stay home where it was warm and familiar and comfortable versus coming out in the cold and being with people was hard for her.  In the end, she decided on staying home. 

Tom and I did the jeans exchange, then wandered through the mall.  I hadn't been there for some time, and we had a good time looking around, having lunch in the food court, swinging out once or twice for a smoke.  The best part of the trip was when we stopped at Spencer Gifts and I found this "Screaming Rubber Chicken".  From the first squeeze till just a few minutes ago, I have not laughed so much or so hard since I can't remember when.  This thing lets out a bloodcurdling scream that had me choking as we walked through the mall, and had Tom walking on the opposite side of the hallways.  I've decided my chicken is going to live in my car and that just before I go into mom's house every time, I will squeeze all his air out and let him scream me into uncontrollable laughter.  I know, I'm a sick puppy.  But we do what we have to do, no?

Blessings to all my friends.  Holding you in the light.  Hold me there too, please.