Ain't life grand sometimes?

Mom has been gone for a little over 6 weeks now and the adjustments to her absence are coming to me slowly but surely.  My daily schedule no longer revolves around visits to the Care Center, though my fiancée and I have gone back twice to bring fudge and to say hello to all of the wonderful people who helped with mom’s care.  Some of them have become very good friends of ours.

Mike and I also took the opportunity to make a trip to the gulf coast of Florida for a week in early February.  (Here we are in Detroit waiting for our connection to Tampa). Last year in February I went south for a week with sister-in-law Julie, and while she and I had a good time, there was always the overriding concern for mom and her care while I was away.  This time, the sense of freedom I felt was palpable.  My every waking moment was devoted to only one thing – enjoying my time with Mike.  Which beach would we walk on today?  What trolley shall we catch?  Which lunch spot will we pick?  How late will we sleep? 

What a different life I have now!  Retirement is finally beginning to be what I imagined it could be.  I have so much to be grateful for.  I have a warm house and a car that runs and food to eat and a fuzzy little kitty to purr me to sleep.  I have a fantastic man in my life whom I adore and who adores me.  I have family to visit with and love too, and I have friends who have stayed in touch with me both bm (before mom) and am.  I am freed from the demands of work and stupid supervisors, freed from people who felt as if they could judge me and find me wanting, freed from the worries and cares that plague so many people.  I am simply free to enjoy my life, and my intention is to continue to enjoy this for as long as I can.  I know that before long there will be an important issue to claim me again, so this time is precious.  I plan to relish every single minute.  Thanks to all of you who still read this.  And trust me, there is more to come! 

I may just have to change the title of my blog from Alzheimer's Avenue to Adventures with Mike :) !!!

Shirley - and Kathy - Unchained

A couple of weeks ago, my Mike and I drove up the hill to the cinema and saw Django Unchained. A slave became a freeman and had some real adventures. Today I am feeling some of what Django must have felt when the irons were removed from his wrists and ankles.

Let me back up here and say that Shirley had, over the last couple of weeks, begun to fail - stepped off yet another plateau, as it were. On Monday, I was out of town with my dad and stepmom, as they both needed a ride into Erie for tests and such. Dad had had open heart surgery in November, and Stepmom Margaret needed some tests. Shirley really was failing that day, and I had a number of calls from the care center that had me worried. My Mike and I stopped there after dropping Paul and Margaret at their home, and Shirley was in distress, gasping and very uncomfortable. A tough tableau. Anyway, Tuesday we were in attendance most of the day, Mike and me and Tom for a bit and then we decided to go home again that evening. I sent my Mike home to Erie. At 2:30 a.m. on Wednesday morning I had a call from the care center. Shirley was nearing the end. It took me all of fifteen minutes to jump into my clothes and car, but alas, I was about 5 minutes late. Mommo died in the arms of two 3rd shifters, Annie and Missy, as they held her with Frank Sinatra singing from the CD. She lay peaceful. So I sat with her and waited to make some calls. Eventually my Mike came, then Tom, then Julie. Then mom's friend Ed and our friends Bruce and Carolyn. After I was sure that everyone who wanted to say goodbye had done so, we left and the funeral home came for her.

Mommo had made her last wishes clear years ago, so she was taken to the funeral home and cremated pretty quickly. No funeral, no visitations, no service. Sister-in-law Julie and I picked her up Friday afternoon and took her for a ride around town and she rested here at home that night. On Saturday, we had family come for some eats and visits. We will talk more this week about other details.

So, today was really the first day I've had in a long time to be by myself. I have been craving some time where no one is hovering and no one is concerned and no one is worried. There are so many things I want to think about, and that's hard to do unless you get some alone time. At this point, the only decision I've made is that I won't make any major decisions for at least a few weeks. I need to breathe. As odd as it is, I actually got to sit outside on the step with Butterball in the sunshine - it was at least 60 degrees - and enjoy just putting my face up to the sun. Ahhhh.

So, as the dust settles, I have options to consider. Job? Maybe. Temp? Maybe. Volunteer? Maybe. Travel? Likely. It's good to have options. Thanks to all of you who read this. I don't think, even though Shirley is gone, that I'm quite done with this blog. It's good for me. Peace.