This has been pretty much a horrible week for mom and for Tom and me. The caregiver we had hoped to bring in was sick last Wednesday, and we were notified by the company. On Friday, mom and I watied for her to show up as scheduled, but no one came and no one called. The company had received a doctor's excuse for the caregiver saying she wasn't to report to work on Friday, but the company (Senior Helpers, if you ever need to know) failed to notify us of that. They were "so sorry" for the oversight. On Monday morning, I got a call from Senior Helpers saying that the caregiver wouldn't be able to make it that day as scheduled, as she was needed to cover for another client. She came Tuesday instead. She was unable to come again until Friday. On Friday morning, Senior Helpers called to say that our caregiver had been involved in a car accident and would need a few weeks to recover. Is this God's way of saying something to us? What? That we shouldn't be looking for paid help? That this particular woman wasn't the right one? That we need to get Shirley into a facility?
Personally, I think the latter is the one we need to think about. Shirley is almost gone mentally. She repeats and repeats and repeats, and she obsesses and obsesses and obsesses. She doesn't want to be alone but she won't let anyone move in to help full-time. She always says that if we put her in a home she will run away. When I leave her in the afternoon, she often begs me to stay, but I'm not ready to start doing this without being able to bring Butterball into her house, and she won't have it. Maybe it seems selfish that I'm putting my kitty ahead of my mom. I just know that Butter has been my muse and my mews and pretty much the only comfort I get after 5 or 6 hours with the demented mombat.
I'm holding on daily, as is Tom. I couldn't do this without the support and love of that brother. I do have two other brothers. One has seceeded from the family, the other has run away to take a job in California for a few months.
I learned from my former husband (aka, the "ex-hole") that I need to keep my expectations low where other people are concerned, and that way I would never be disappointed. Well, he certainly lived up to my low expectations. And so has Senior Helpers. And a couple of brothers who just aren't stepping up to the plate. I sure hope that in time, I'll be able to raise those expectations for the people around me. There are a very few, and you know who you are, who are already clearing the bar with lots of distance to spare. Thanks very much to you.
I'm back in my little house now after 6 hours with mom, my kitty is on my lap and my coffee is set up to go off at 7 a.m. and my electric blanket is on. What more could a person ask?
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Hi Kathy,
ReplyDeleteFirst, I am so sorry to hear that your other brothers aren't there for you and Tom right now, or for your mom. Your mom is blessed to have you and Tom and your sister in law. I am thinking that Senior Helpers are not really going to help you or they would have sent someone else to pinch hit for the person who couldn't make it.
Are you selfish...or are you putting Butter before your mom?? I DON'T think so, Kath. That's a no on both counts. Does your mom's doctor have any suggestions or advice? Does your mom have a former pastor you can talk to? Would your mom know him or welcome him into her home for a visit if you and Tom were there with her? I remember you mentioned that your mom loves to come to your house to play with Butter...maybe your mom would feel less threatened if the Pastor visited her at your home.
I am asking too many questions - those you don't need right now.
I think only you and Tom can make the decision - but I pray God will guide you both. You do have lots of us out here "holding you in the light" (as you always say you do for us).
I pray the light will warm you, and brighten your days..and help you to come to a decision.
Remember, you can always come here and vent- or send an email. I wish I still lived close enough to visit you.
Sending you many hugs - and sending God many prayers for you, your mom, and for that brother who is by your side in all of this. May His perfect will help you and guide you, and give you a good night's rest.
Love,
Sue
Hi Kathy,
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry to hear that things are going less than well. As Sue said, you can always come here to vent, no holds barred! I know that talking here won't fix the problems, but sometimes it's just good to "spew". Thank goodness you have Tom. It seems that almost every family has one or two that don't step up to the plate. I hope that he can help to keep your sanity when everything is so crazy.
As far as the Senior Helper, I think it's more a sign that you weren't meant to have THAT one. Don't give up hope. Keep searching. Everyone needs a break, especially you and Tom. I pray that someone is sent to you that fills your needs.
Give Butterball a big hug, drop a few tears if you need to. She won't mind. There is almost no love more unconditional than from our 4-legged friends. She is always there for you.
Will keep you in my prayers. I think about you often. Be well.
Sandy