Well, another visit with the mom last weekend, and even more lessons learned. I've been reading everything I can get my hands on about AD, but none of it so far has prepared me for the surprises that keep popping up my our lives. The one I just don't know if I'll ever get used to is the one where suddenly she has no clue who I am. Any attempt on my part to convince Shirley that I'm her daughter brings on a bout of anger and frustration on hers. So, from this point on, I think I'll just try to be objective about "Kathy" when her name comes up and I'm the "unknown". And I'll try to say good things about "her", even when mom doesn't agree that there is anything good to say.
After I put down yet another AD book last night, I kept thinking that no matter how hard this is for me, it has to be so much worse for Shirley. I can't imagine how terrifying the journey down the dark road is for her. To lose her friends, family, sense of self, to forget how to make a cup of tea or how to wash your own body. To know that in the middle of the night, there will be scary men appearing at her bedside and to think that they want to hurt her. Keeping scissors and knives under your pillow to battle these monsters.
So, I will do the very best I can do to protect her from the scary guys and to help her with the daily tasks that overwhelm her for as long as I can. I'll be the best hand-holder I can be. Thanks for reading.
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Kathy,
ReplyDeleteFirst, let me say that you are doing a wonderful thing - actually, many wonderful things.
By starting this blog, it is a gentle reminder to so many who are walking in your shoes that they are not the only family going through this...that they are not alone in THEIR journey.
Your mom may not recognize you right now, but there WILL be days when she will not only know you when you are there, but also miss you when you are in Buffalo. I still remember the time when my Dad and I were talking about how difficult things were for him and my mom because of her alzheimers. They were visiting us at the time and Mom came out on the deck as I was hugging Dad at the end of our conversation. She did not recognize me and I was a stranger hugging her husband. She was angry at us both for the rest of the night. The next morning it was as if nothing had happened, and she and I baked cherry pies that day.
And most of all, this blog is for YOU...to help you in the journey you and your brothers take now with your mom because you can express yourself and we will not judge. So many of us can empathize - and do just that because we've walked or are walking the path.
You say you will be the best hand-holder you can be - and I have no doubt that your mom WILL have the best...because it's you.
Thoughts, prayers, and hugs my friend.
Sue